Wounds . . .

Wounds interest me.  Not the bloody kind that spew puss and all of that.  I'm not speaking of physical wounds.  I speak of mental wounds.  Now these can range from an embarrassment from your childhood or a hurt put upon you by a lover.  Many of these wounds are self inflicted and many are not.  They come in all flavors and no one is immune.

What interests me is how different each person deals with them.  Some are able to brush them off without a thought and move on with their lives.  A mental healing factor abound within these people.  They are able to process and heal the wound so quickly that no scar is left.  Only the deepest of wounds linger.  Then there is the other side of the spectrum where the slightest wound is life threatening.  Too many of these and the person will become a casualty of themselves.

Between these two poles lies the rest of us.  Falling somewhere in between we each lean toward one side or the other handling our own personal mental hurts in our own way.  Some of us cover up the wound and pretend it isn't there trying to ignore the throbbing underneath.  Other leave it open to the air and hoping the healing process will begin.

On the chart I probably land half way in the middle.  This is a pretty good place to be.  Slight wounds are handled quickly while only the worst wounds linger for any period of time.  But one thing I have not mentioned is fact that what is slight wound versus a deep wound varies among all of us.  A simple jest at one's expense is not even a wound to one while it is a gaping bullet hole in the chest to another.

Now while I sit directly in the middle when it comes to healing wounds, I lay closer to being easily wounded.  For the most part I nothing others do bother me all that much.  My greatest enemy is myself.  The smallest of personal embarrassments linger with me for the longest of times because I feel it is a deep wound.  Again the majority of these wounds are self inflicted.  I make a joke that fails, I make a pass that fails or I look back on a situation and realized an inaction was an embarrassment.  This is how my mind works.

But this post isn't about those particular wounds, it is how they heal.  Some of them, with the passage of time, become forgotten or they simply matter no more.  Others linger.  What interests me is which ones linger.  Sometimes right after the fact there is no thought wasted on them.  Then, weeks later, they pop up again and appear and become a wound.  There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it.  It just happens.

Weird huh?

I Now Know What To Do in My Front Lawn . . .

If you are familiar with Plants vs Zombies this will be awesome.  Even if you're not it's pretty cool.  This is coming to my lawn.  I guarantee it.

PVZ Lawn Ornaments 

Directions . . .

I have always been good with directions.  I think it stemmed from the fact that my parents were horrible with them.  My dad could get lost on his way to work in the morning.  Because I spent so much time on family trips when we were lost I made a decision to pay attention.  Soon I began to correct my Dad and tell him how to go. In his frustration he would tell me to be quiet and he knew where he was.

Once we were so lost that we went through the same intersection four times.  The fourth time I spoke up and he shut me down.  The fifth time I said, "Look, I know where we should turn and since we have been through here five times what do we have to lose if you just listen to me."  So he did.  Ten minutes later we were pulling into our destination.  After that he stopped telling me to be quiet.

It's the small victories that seem to have the largest impact.

Why the trip down memory lane?  Well I have found my direction for what I am doing here.  I know this relates only tangentially but I figured what the hell.  I spent some time today working on what I could do here in the online realm.  I had to follow a few criteria so I would be willing to undertake the venture.

1).  I had to do it because I wanted to and not because it would "Make me rich."  I have had a tendency to want to get into things that would make me money and that would be the main reason behind it.  I knew I couldn't do that here.  I needed to do something because I wanted to do it and not because it would make me money.  If it does, in the long run, make me money then that is great.  But I can't get into this with that goal in mind.

2). Along with that I had to do something that I have a deep interest so I can focus on it and keep up with it.

So I sat down and listed all my interests.  This gave me 20 items that I had to choose from.  From there I selected the ones that I knew I had enough residual interest in to actually keep up with it.  Here I had 10 items.  From here I lumped a few together because they were really close in terms of subject matter.  At this point I had 7 items.  Then I went down the list and focused on whether I could do a blog and podcast based on the subject matter.  This gave me 5 items.  From here I wrote out pitch documents that basically went over my overall thoughts on how the podcasts would be run and how the blog would be set up.

After all that trimming I then labeled the five subjects in terms of launching them.  I picked one to be first, the most logical one that I could support on a regular basis from the get go, and then the rest fell in line.

It was a lot of work, and I know the upcoming stuff will be a lot of work as well but I'm ready.  I will go into more detail as I finalize everything and I get my first episode out.  Also I need to continue to think on how this blog fits into all this.  We shall see what happens.

I Don't Know Why I Can't Help Myself . . .

I did it again. The strange thing is I did it almost a year to the day after the first time. I read the article. Why? Damned if I know.

That's a lie. I know why. Other than a strange need to torture myself I have been thinking a lot lately about my puppers. Kahlua is getting old. I'm not sure how old and that is what worries me.

To explain, there is this article:

Something About Harry

I found this article last year. I still think about it to this day. So much so I even found it again and reread it. It struck a chord with me in a very deep way. That sounds extremely cliche but it's the truth. I have always been a dog lover. Animal lover really. I am one of those people he mentions in the article that barely blinks an eye at widespread human devastation but loses their mind when the story is of one defenseless animal being mistreated. (I partially believe this is due to the human brain's inability to comprehend such large scale disasters such as an earthquake or genocide while it can wrap itself around a small situation including one or a few persons and an animal. But that is a subject for another post.) This article explains exactly how I feel about my pets. Pets that I will continue to acquire as time goes on and they grow old and pass on.

What surprised me is when Lizzie, my childhood puppers, died. I was a wreck that evening. But the next day, when I went to mourn her, I couldn't. Not that I didn't love her and I was still sad about not having her around. But I had shed my tears for her. Of course now I'm sitting here thinking of that night and how sad I was I'm about to shed some more. I guess it comes down to realizing that while we love them, they are still dogs. They have personalities that we augment with projected personalities. A friend once told me, "You're not a true dog person if you talk to your dog. You're a true dog person if you speak FOR your dog." But that is all. It is a sad realization but a true one. That doesn't change the fact that we love these animals. My wife and I take in pets not only for our own benefit, we also do it for their benefit as well. We give them good lives and in return they love us, entertain us, comfort us, and just make us feel good. When they have to leave us we mourn them and we will never forget them. They make us happy and for that I'm eternally grateful.

What scares me is that Kahlua has helped me through some rough times. She was with me for some of the most difficult times in my life so far. While I loved Lizzie and she was there for me she wasn't there to comfort me the way Lua was. I had parents and siblings. While Lizzie was just there for me to pet. Lua was the one I came home to when I lived alone. After the beers had been consumed and my friends had done their best to help me, Lua was the one who jumped on my bed and nuzzled me. She was the one who pawed at my knee when I stopped petting her. Almost like she knew that petting her made me feel better. (I know better, she just wanted to be petted, but that doesn't change the fact it made me feel better.) To know I was needed so completely by this dumb creature was invaluable to me in times that I needed to be loved. Kahlua gave that to me. I'm afraid to lose her too soon. But no matter what, if she lives for fifteen more years or fifteen minutes, it will be too soon.

As I reread the article today, when I would stop because it would be too emotional for me, I couldn't escape the pictures I have plastered all over my office of my pets. And as I looked into each of their eyes I pictured them on the table as I said good-bye. Why do I do this to myself?

I guess I just need to remind myself that they won't be around forever. I should take a moment everyday to love them a little more because of it. Because someday they won't be there, it's a day I don't want to dwell on, but I don't want to forget it's there.

I've said before, Lizzie had a good long life, Kahlua is living a good long life, and 0ur new puppy Fiona is just starting her good long life, and I'm glad to have been there for all three.

I think I'm going to go home and give my puppers a hug.

Conflicted . . .

I am a theatre nut. Or at least I was. Back in 2003 I began to audition for local community theatre productions around my town. I'm lucky that my town is full of community theatres and I was never without a show to work on. I had two things working in my favor. The first being I was willing to do anything involved in the production. People like me are in short supply because most who are involved with theatre tend to fill a niche and they refuse to do anything else. You have your standards, the lighting guy, sound guy, the diva, the gay diva, the director, the chorus member, the stage manager, the set builder, etc. But the rarity is the one who is willing to fill any hole the production needs. That was me. Because of this I became well known throughout the local theatre scene. This was my social outlet. In reality it was my way to search for women. That's beside the point. But it also gathered a large group of friends as well. Many of whom I still hang out with today.

The second thing I had going for me was the fact I had a penis. That is to say that I was a man in theatre. Basically this means that many shows I tried out for, especially shows that included more than five male roles, I almost was guaranteed a role. This is because five males is the average male turn out to auditions. Rarely will you get more and when you do it's for a popular male heavy show like "1776". We did that a couple of years back and 12 men showed up at the audition along with 12 women. There are 22 male roles and 2 female roles. So anyway I was able to work on stage when I wanted and back stage when I wanted. This is a nice perk to have. The down side is the fact that I was going show to show without much of a break.

The problem arose when I had been doing theatre almost constantly since the fall of '03. I seriously went from the fall of '03 to the spring of '08 with no more than a two week break between shows. At first this wasn't a problem. The few times I would end a show without another lined up I would start to feel the itch just about a week and half after the previous show ended. This was true until late 2006. I had begun to direct and I was seeing how much work it was. The itch became lighter. By late 2007 I was being begged to work on shows and asked because I didn't try out like people expected me to.

I want to make this clear right now. I may sound like I think I'm the best actor that ever graced the boards but this is far from the truth. The only reason people were asking me and begging me to do shows was not because I was talented but because as I mentioned I had a penis and I could remember my lines. Most of the time anyway. I carry no delusions. I know I'm mediocre at best.

Anyway, as I said my love affair with theatre had begun to wane. It also helped that I finally found a woman. I do owe theatre a debt because that is where I met my future wife. This no doubt aided in my disillusionment.

Why I post this today is because there are a lot of good theatre going on right now. But I'm not sure I'm ready to go back, even just to watch a show. Because of time constraints I cannot do theatre now anyway. So I fear going back will make me want to start, and because I can't I will have issues. I don't know. We shall see. I'll keep you posted.

Really Big Fish Tank

I just stumbled upon this and thought it was quite amazing. I may just save this link to my desktop and watch it every now and again. Enjoy!

Really Big Fish Tank

Inadequacies . . .

Nope, still don't know what this is yet. Will it be my mindless meanderings or will it be something more. Not to mention I would like to get a podcast connected to this thing sometime soon. Who knows . . .

I read a friends blog the other day and it just made me feel inadequate. Also a little nauseous but that is beside the point. He is an extremely good comedic writer. Blows me out of the water. He's one of those creative people that you just want to hand them their artistic tool of choice and sit them down and say, "Perform for me . . ." I think it's hilarious what he does. I can't hope to be that good at writing comedic work.

The only thing that made me feel better was the fact that I probably was one of maybe five people who have read it. But then that made me feel inadequate again because if he can write so well and he has no fans how the hell do I hope to do anything with this.

But then I think, at least I'm getting laid.

I'm gonna level with you . . .

OK, I'm going to level with you, I have no idea what this is yet. And I understand that I'm talking to basically no one at this point in time. This could be a personal diary and no one would stumble upon it. Those that do would just move on because the site doesn't include lyrics to Cletus' theme song. I just know that I want to do something creative. I have to start getting something out there. So here we are.

I recently have discovered podcasts. I've obviously heard of them before but because I didn't use my iPod all that often I really had no use for them. Then I was promoted at work. With that promotion came an iPhone. Consider my life changed. I absolutely love this thing. But now, because I basically am carrying my iPod around with me wherever I go and because I ride the bus I tend to have a lot of listening time on my hands. Here is when I discovered Current Geek. I had been aware of Scott Johnson and his webcomics but because of my lack of iPod use I never really gave the podcasts a second thought. Well I started to listen to Current Geek.

Currently I have subscribed to ten different podcasts and I'm trying to catch up, listening to old ones from the series. I'm doing quite well. At this rate I should be caught up by next month. But now I'm interesting in joining the fun myself. So be on the lookout for that.

The best I can do is put this and my podcast(s) out there. We'll see if anyone comes. It's the best we can do.

Iron Man 2 . . . .Awesome

Two posts in a row about comic book movies. Trust me, this is a rarity simply because I'm not that big of a movie buff. But for this one I cannot wait. I loved the first Iron Man. And this new trailer, along with the first, give me high hopes for the second. Enjoy!

Watch the Second "Iron Man 2" Trailer Now!

Watching Watchmen

I finally watched the movie The Watchmen. I know I'm very behind the curve on this, especially being a die hard comic book fan, but life just happened. The movie came out during a very busy time for me, not to mention I hadn't read the graphic novel yet and I wanted to have that under my belt before I saw this movie. For a wedding gift I received the graphic novel and I spent portions of my honeymoon reading it. The bus ride into New York I finished the first half, the days my new bride spent at the spa I plowed through the middle, and the ride home I polished it off. I could see Madison Square Garden from my patio at the New Yorker Hotel and when I got to the giant squid section it was a little surreal. Anyway, life continued to happen and I was unable to see the movie itself until just last weekend.

I know it received very mixed reviews. Let me add my two cents. The movie had me gripped for the first three quarters. I felt the director and actors did a very good job of recreating the story. They removed what they had to remove and I was totally OK with that. What they left in was great and it all seemed to mesh. The fact that it was so faithful to the source material was awesome and the effects were awesome, blah blah blah, you get the picture.

Here is what got my panties in a bunch, the last quarter of the movie. The fact that the director spent so much time lauding the fact that he was so faithful to the source then he goes and blows the ending. SPOILAGE AHEAD! If you have not read the graphic novel or seen the movie then go no further! Thank you. He chucks the giant squid and instead uses Dr. Manhattan like explosions not only in NYC, but London, Moscow, Hong Kong, etc. This just screws the whole thing up for a couple of reasons.

First, for a dramatic feel, he has NYC be the last one to go off so we as the audience could see it in it's CGI glory. This has poked a massive hole in the plot. Let me explain:

In this world both Moscow and the USA have their fingers on the button. Moscow gets hit by what they think is Dr. Manhattan, who they think still works for the US. (It is mentioned that they think the whole "Dr. Manhattan running off to Mars" is a publicity stunt to get the Russians to make a move.) The "Russian Button" is now pressed. Seriously, would anything else have happened? Now, not only does New York get hit with a huge "Dr. Manhattan Bomb" but now the US is going to get rammed with all Russian Nukes that are available. If New York was first, and they thought it was Dr. Manhattan then it would have worked because the US would not have blamed Russia and Russia would know when they got hit that Dr. Manhattan has gone rogue. Small detail but pretty big when you think about it. Could have been avoided if he stayed faithful like he did for the first part.

And now the biggie that really fell flat for me. The very end when the newspaper guys are talking about how the world is all puppies and sunshine and there is nothing to write about they decide to check out the "crank file". On top is Rorschach's journal. In the graphic novel this carried weight because it pointed the finger at Adrian Veidt. Granted Rorschach didn't know the extent of the plan but he knew there was a plan. The journal would have started the ball rolling to potentially out the secret and the world would fall into chaos again. In the movie that feeling was lost because Dr. Manhattan still could have gone rogue without Veidt's help. It just would have pointed the finger at Veidt for the murder of the Comedian and Molock and for the Dr. Manhattan cancer scare. The worst would have been Veidt being blamed for making Dr. Manhattan go rogue. He is villified and the world stays at peace for now. It fizzled.

Now I'm told the director's cut is better. I would like to see that now to see if there is anything different. But I was disappointed.

What did you think?

Welcome to The Slack Jaw

Welcome.

This, as the tag line says, is going to be a random site for random people. I tend to like a million different things at a basic level. I seem to have a form of ADD. I tend to enjoy something for a short period of time before I move on to something else. I can't be the only person out there that suffers from this. So I thought I would start my own blog and see where it takes me. So if you are so inclined, join me. Let's see where we end up.